modernbeautyxxx

:[

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 18:57:51 GMT

yee so i guess this guy i like is going ot go out wit htis terrible girl.
great.yee im pissed.
peace.

LOL-matty.

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 19:57:36 GMT

so me and matty had like the most amazing time in the world.hahah buh i guess we were making fun of sabrina haha LOL no we werent.
but yes matty and me were talking under a truck bc were cool and only bc he looks like devin. el obvious.hahah meow so yee pictures today.
aren't you excitedd? i am so yee come back and check this not like any of you read it but oh well if i get up to 5 comments ill post pics if i dont get any i wont post any.
:] <3

hmm never use this anymore

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 19:50:30 GMT

yee so today the faggot concert? the elation HAH gheyyyy but i want to see cardboard cutout so cool.but yee its gonna be me and matty and brina and julian and uh christina yes yes then were taking them home and then me and christina and brina are sleeping over at my house. blahahaha :] yee but no seriously the elation is so gay i just want to punch all them fags in their faces srsly.im really fucking tired and i hate people so yeeee im out bitches.
peace peace peace.

booo school :]

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 18:35:37 GMT

mm im in graphic arts and texting jewlian so sabrina may not be able to come over ewww bigg boo haha wow yee idk this class is freezing mad balls and i need to make devin get on livejournal more now so i can talk to him while i in here bahaha :] i love my life and i love my devin he stayed on till 6:40 am jusss so he could talk to me in the morning.what a sweet faceeee :D booooom. we get to make monsters today in graphic arts and ich mag monster yayyeeeeee well peace beasts. <3

oh i know this is love ♥

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 08:09:35 GMT

three am shivers: mmmm devin
devin is a qt: mmm emilee
three am shivers: ick i kive
devin is a qt: nuh uh
three am shivers: yuh huh
three am shivers: nuh uh bois dont wanna get with me
three am shivers: u never ever commentededed my new picturesss
three am shivers: dinkerbell
devin is a qt: cuz i been lazy
three am shivers: -.- u poopooface
devin is a qt: boobooassfuck
three am shivers: :O dangg howd u knowwww
three am shivers: comment them pictures or imma beat you with an african slave
devin is a qt: do it
devin is a qt: i like it ruff
three am shivers: boii you haven't even seen rufff yet :]
three am shivers: bahaha babyyy whaas ur sign
devin is a qt: red light
devin is a qt: green light
three am shivers: -.-
devin is a qt: (:
three am shivers: haha

feels oh so good to have noone in my home.i got sick of the complaining.& sick of the depression sick of the face and the voice and the constant of everything.it just felt so good to walk in my room and not have a person like BAM in my face all the time.i mean okay it's cool to have someone here but when they lurk around you and follow you like a puppy then it's like fuck sakes back off 5 feet let me breathe.& i know i may sound like a bitch but i don't care.i just missed being alone and i missed talking to devin without someone saying omg.oye and i missed talking to rob without someone saying ew i fucking hate him he lied to me blah blah blah :] haha im out.
<3

hahah fuck you piece of shit

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 01:11:57 GMT

JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING? murderers don't eat subway

yee so i dont write in here anymore.
friends are kive especially when they cut at your house.
HAHAHAAHA asshole.
im done fer sure.
hung out with lonie and jordan today.
i love them.
vlkfdnhbuknhbeiru

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 07:47:35 GMT

i havent written in a long time. probally bc i use xanga more. if your interested it's beautiful_tragedy___x buhh just wanted to let you all know im alive && happy. <3

o22.[devinn jacob parkerrr]

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:48:39 GMT

this is an entry i wish i didnt have to make. ):

he's my best friend.
hes the love of my life.
he is my world.
he's devinn jacob.
&& he says that he's going to kill himself tonight.

i really dont know what i am going to do if he actually goes through with this...it just really sucks more then anything you can imagine i already lost a boii i really liked another boii who i started to like who turned out to be a great friend then i lost my best friend and now devinn hes like fucking everything to me i just don't see what the fuck is wrong why do i always have to loose people me and my mom are going to get stamps today.so i can mail kats and caits letter.wendys supposed to come spend the night so im about to just clean my effing room. yee so peace ladies.

<3

o21. [mister cohen cuteface] how will i break the news to you...

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:14:21 GMT

so basically i've been dreaming about cohen [jovoun] for like 13 days in a row and he always says near the same thing, it makes me sad when i wake up because hes not there anymore by me but it makes me want to sleep all the time because i can actually be with him there. well heres my dream;

he was in my homeroom and i said "what are you doing here" and he goes "texas was amazing it was hot but awesome but one thing wasn't so amazing" and i say "what was that" and he goes "well skating wasnt so easy" i roll my eyes then he goes "but mainly because your here and im stuck miles away without you"

yup thats it ladies i want my best friend // boii i was in love with to come back from texas and say something like that to me. ):

<3

o20.[my stupid lifeee]

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 05:27:32 GMT

HORNY CARNIES && cotton candy <3

on the way home i layed my head back and shut my eyes as if to gather my thoughts and feelings. could i really still be in love with a boy who lied to me for months about his feelings who sat there and flat out told me he liked me only to tell one of my closest friend that "we were just friends" this matter is to horrific to conceive yet it's a spine freezing mind boggling utter complete fact. Im in love with a boy who could never love a girl like me.&& should a girl like me hurt one of my closest friends that likes this boy out of spite and jealousy just because he acts the way with her that he used to act with me? i wish but unfortunately im not that kind of person.i used to be but i've changed for the better.see and i could flirt with all the guys smile at them and bat my eyes and when im sad i cant let it show i want to cry but to cry infront of you is the worst thing i could.

im out peace late bitcheess.

WENDY IS THE BEST FRIEND EVERRRR <3

o19. [i love my boii]

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 07:01:16 GMT

i love my devinn jacob parkerrr he makes everything better. i r inlove with him so basically lurk off (:he makes me smile. eesh <3

EDIT:

I love ashlee harris. and we are going to BrokeBack Mountain
to get our back's broken in.

o18. [back home && i feel so alone]

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 17:35:34 GMT

your voice always helps me and i feel so alone;;

emilee r unpacking.this room has way too many memories like honestly i hate it.i hate it so friggin much.i try to laugh all the time but i jut end up crying. my tummy is doing front flips i never want to go back to school, and the show sweet sixteen, well i watch that and they alwayssss have their best friends with them i wont have that god how i want that.

i hate this town .

i hate this room.

i hate the memories.

i hate the pictures.

i hate the pain.

i hate the tears.

this is so much harder then i thought it would be i want to go back to ohio like so badly. i wish i could live there but whatev. i got dinasour charms for a necklace their really cute -.- yee well i guess im done. peace darlings.

<3

o17. [ohio is for lovers ♥]

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 04:56:08 GMT

so basically i am pretty home sick && just sick i think i've puke three times today i think its just the fact that i know i am going to have to go home and not have a bestfriend i know ive said this millions and millions of times but everyday i sit up at night and waste in sighs and think to myself "you don't have a best friend there anymore..why would you even want to go back so you can sit there and cry every single minute of every single day?" so i've decided to get fit to every time i want to be sad work out swim jog go on the tredmill anything and i can cry and do that for all i care because one thing i am not going to do anymore is cut because i gave my best friend and envelope that says i quit for good and inside i put all of my razors that was my big step. && it was my promise to her so i am not going to do it anymore

i dont care if i want it.

i dont care if i need it.

i dont care i dont care.

yee so basically thats my attitude towards everything now i dont caremy sister gave me a bunch of her old vouges they make me happy, and i figured out a way to paint my room its going to be guacamole [sp?] green in the backround im going to have big circles that are going to be gray and then inside some of the gray circles are going to be black music notes. i think its going to be pretty sweet and then on one wall there is going to be just records hung not in the thingys just the records themselves i think it'll look pretty effing sweeet speaking of sweet my sweet sixteen is coming up :\ its just one thing to keep me busy oh and another is the book i am going to make for caitie errrgh yee well its like almost one in the am i think im gonna go to sleep. and this is long enough im out lovelies peace.

<3

o16. [just sit the fuck back and listen]

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 05:42:38 GMT

okay so i just hung out with my best friend for the last time before she leaves. i just cannot beleive that she is not going tobe here anymore to call to come over when im bored to cheer me up when im sad to hold my hand in scary movies to just be here, also my brenda isnt going to be here either. what the fuck it's like i loose the boii who i loved so much then the two people that mean the world to me i mean just wtf did i do wrong to deserve all this shit.i just dont know what im going to do school is going to be hell to walk through those same halls and sit in those same classrooms to eat in that same cafeteria to be in that same gym class without my bestfriend i can't make it without her before i knew her i was the biggest loser this place was hell for me. then i actually meet someone who completely gets me and now shes leaving one day after i have to go to ohio.Do you know what it's going to feel like to come back from a whole other state and know that my best friend is gone. miles and miles away?

so when school starts up im not going to talk to anyone there anymore.at all.i will not talk ot you if you go to BTH got it? yee.or yee im not talking to anyone but my online friends now yupp thats how it goes.

"life is easier without friends"

basically im dying inside my heart feel so heavy and i've cried so much i can't keep my eyes close i just want to rewind time to our goodbye and freeze it forever so noone has to go anywhere.

this sucks;; but this is life

emilee r leaving // for ohio today
best friends r moving // to arkansas tomorrow

♥

o15.[i'll always love you you'll always be my bestfriend no matter what happens]

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 10:49:00 GMT

you and me used to be together everyday together always && i really feel that im loosing my best friend i can't believe this could be thee end;;

today i get to hang out with my best friend.

for the last time

for the last time

for the last time

then i have to say goodbye and leave for ohio the next day and sit in ohio and know that when i come back i won't have a bestfriend near me anymore, close enough to call but not close enough to go over there when im feeling down, not close enough to hug when im feeling lonely. not fucking close enough

miles and miles and miles and miles away

i pretty much don't know how to deal with all of this shit, i loose a boii whom i was in love with for like months and months now i have to loose my best fucking friend too.&& it sucks.i can pretty much say that this school year is definatly going to suck to walk in them hallways is going to be like needles through my heart.

im so depressed

im so depressed

im so depressed

im so depressed

someone please save me from all of this. im out to go sit on my back porch or my bed and cry my eyes out im definatly not sleeping today since im wade fucking awake.

o14.[ayemm lovers where you at?]

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 11:20:28 GMT

lets just sing and we'll fill the air with melodies that blend together;

well let's see it's six sixteen in the am && i haven't even gone to sleep yet, i think that i just may go to sleep for about a hour or two. because catie and brenda are coming over tomorrow which means i have to still do laundry because i have no clothes washed and straighten my hurr. yee so devin gawsh i dont know we got into another fight as usual.i just really want to be with him and val tells people she isnt with him anyways i mean wtf you know? i love him i'd love to tell people i was with him and she sits there and is embarrased by him? pfft that boii is my life and she doesn't deserve him at all. well yee off to sleep maybe if i can. haha alright hotties i'm out.

<3

o13. [the most amazing boii ever ♥]

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 03:51:00 GMT

everyone knows im ten feet under until you come along and brighten my day;;

so i woke up at 4:31 in the pm eww yee then went online then got off came back on at ten ten and basically devin came on i think it made me the happiest i've ever been in a long time.he kinda has this way of making me feel like i can fly hes under neath my wings so i wont free fall out of the sky he's always there to save me you know he saves me. :] i love him so much and i've missed him so entirely much.

im out hotties.<3

best friend leaves // in four days

emilee goes to ohio // in three days

o12.[three cheers for amazing friends.]

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 07:30:37 GMT

babyy am i doing to much?

so basically tonight has been pretty okay.

hammer came over with stew for me because i felt sickley we colored watched oc drove my sister somewhere then she went home.

then im just online playing prozac pills[ewas] gf lmao.
i love this girl like honestly.were so funny she can keep me laughing all the time. <3

well i'm out bitchessss.

<3

o11.[what am i going to do?]

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 07:16:40 GMT

i'll be alone but maybe more carefree

i'm sitting here tonight thinking about my life next school year.how lonely im going to be.how im just going to want to sit and cry walking through those same always where i'd walk with my best friend and cohen.walking them same hallways without hearing her scream elmo or hearing him mock me.

those hallways will be the death of me.

i don't want to go back, i want a new school one where i have no memories where i have no history with anyone or anything.one where i won't be fucking miserable in.is that to much to ask?

me and my mother went to wal-mart today to get a package holder thing because well idk i like them and i brought something for catie and brenda a little like idk it's nothing big it was just something i could put something in that i was giving them yee i wrote them each a letter and will give them each something so they wont forget.

this is really hard on me im loosing two of the best friends i've ever had.i'll never meet anyone like them five days away and right now i feel like just dying.i don't know if im gonna be able to say goodbye without crying.i don't want to cry in front of her i just don't. i never have.ughhh.

theres this girl kat she means alot to me. she makes me smilee and her entries about her and her boyfrined really give me hope for true love...honestlyyy i love her so much and i really hate that i lost touch with her for soo effin long she's honestly one of the best friends i have ever had.i love you katums(:.

well i guess i am out hotties.

<3

+ this is for my bestfriend [caitlin julia] ♥+

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 08:16:11 GMT

mirror mirror of the past why doesn't this happiness ever last;;
[original quote by me]

so basically my best friend is moving away in 6 days and i can't even be there the last day to tell her goodbye because i have to go to ohio im miserable right now i used to try to block out the fact that she was leaving but i can't now and what sucks more is we haven't hung out much this summer.

&& shes almost gone.im crying so much and it won't stop i was gonna make her a book but i'll never get it finished by the time she leaves but im still gonna make it just it won't be done for a few months, so i figured i'd write her the longest goodbye letter ever.

this year is gonna suck im gonna have no best friend no cohen nothing.god i miss him so much and i didnt even know him as long as her so i cant imagine how life is gonna feel like without her i never wanted to know what it was like but i guess im gonna have to.

i hope i get a very long goodbye eltter from her or atleast something sentimental.i don't know.

i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.i hate this.

caitlin julia hammersmith i love you so muchh

o10.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 22:02:33 GMT

omg yesterday was completely exhausting.
which consisted of;;
going to sleep at 4:25.
awaking at 5:00.
driving caities mom to work.
going to angels [caitiesniece] house.
chilling.
going driving around for a bizillion hourrrs.
suprising brittany (: <3
chilling with her,
meeting my daughter.
eating goood mac&&cheese
stealing green tea.
going to ewas.
chilling there taking tons of pics.
going to get slurpees and mountain dew and other random drink beverages.
going back to ewas&&dropping her off.
going back to brittanys relaxing for about 25 minutes.
then watched colts youtubes.
then said goodbye):
got subway.
only to drive 2-2 1/2 more hours.
then sleep in car about 45 mins.
woke up [shitsandgiggggless]
got to caties.
they ate...[tookmehome]
now here i am tired sick and sleepy.

peace.

oo9.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 22:50:49 GMT

i've been waiting here to declare a new meaning;;

so basically i am bored senseless i am about to go swimming, and tan, my friend leaves for arkansas in exactly ten days. :\ idk i can't even be sad because everyone seems to leave me. devin broke up with val yesterday only to go back out with her. im really fucking pissed about that i basically am just pushing him away now see this is what happens when i try to allow myself to go for something/one that makes me happy. i get hurt big time then my sister left me a message bc my name used to be emilee is in love niggs [DJP] then i changed it to emilee doesn't believe in love niggs, and so she goes how can you just change that in a day that really makes me mad lets go excersise. then i got real mad im like not all of us are as fortunate in love as you are so why don't you stfu. and im fat i know it okay you dont need to excersise your like two fucking pounds so stfu and let me be already.

yee basically i was pissed well me and my mom are on a diet officially. so yee peace hotties time to go swimming.<3

oo8.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 04:21:44 GMT

scared that your the one that got away and i want you here with me tonight and everyone to come;;

so basically i can't describe these feelings.i wish my megan were here to cuddle with me and make everything feel ok.i love her,wendy asked me a question about her thats stuck in my head and i really don't know why.im talking to alicia,and ashlee i've missed them.like so much.im listening to dashboardconfessionals it's quite depresing.im talking to devin him and val are breaking up quite soon :] i mean ohh how sadddd. hehe. well i think im off to do something.talk to my lovelies some more then call my niece.

peacee hotties <3

oo7.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 02:48:03 GMT

long car rides,soft acoustic music,writing poetry and rain hitting the windshield is what my dreams are made of.

so yee basically i dont know me and my mom went shopping at walmart haha yee im hardcore, i got some capris, i hate my life bc everything was so cute and small and i just can't wait to be that size. then we went to the thrift stoores.got a bunch of bags and like knee socks and like cute clothes :] and books, went back to walmart got a green tea and a vogue <3 then we went to best buy and exchanged my sisters old ipod for a new one bc it was broken we had to sit there for a hour an a half so i was looking at the camera i wanted <33 its a canon one its beautifulll.i love it veryyyy much. eesh :] then yee when we got out of there we were supposed to go get my printer and we FORGOT! lol so we went to subway and got food then came back here and ate and thats when we realized we forgot to get my printer hahaha so then we just ate and watched charmed, my mums gonna go get my printer right now. i call my niece tell ehr ill call her back then idk i go online and devins on and he hates me basically i don't know why && he keeps rubbing him having a girlfriend in my face and it just really hurts my feelings.

well im out peace hotties <3 [comments would be lovely even if i dont know you (:]

oo6.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 06:52:52 GMT

im a bitch dont mess..
haha so yee idk today i was kind of heartbroken because cassie my friend && tommy.
well i was in love with him for a whileee.[[notanymoreeeee]
and cassie and i both knew eachother liked him bc before we knew eachother thats how it was so i shouldn't be upset right?
wrong.
she knew i cried over him millions of days in a row.
&& she tells me he wants to be with her and she wants to be with him.
it made me mad bc i was bitter bc when i asked him out he said he didnt want a gf but a month later he says yes..
pfft but it's okay becauseone i do not like tommy anymore at all in that way && two and the best reason is i have DEVIN JACOB PARKERR!

:D basically im in love niggs<3

noone can amount to the happiness this girl makes me feel.
noone can make me smile as much as she does.
noone can make me happy with simple words like she can.
she knows just what to say all the time.
when im upset and crying even when she doesnt she tells me she loves me and in reality thats all i really need to hear.
this girl megan is my other half, you'll never have what we have.
you may be forever but were for eternity and well thats just better.
OBV!. im out hotties.
basically she's key to survival.
dont mess im jewish :D.